This past week while on vacation with my family Big sister (2) tore apart several thank you cards that my youngest sister (13) had been getting ready to write. This was the straw that broke the camels back so to speak on my sisters emotional dam. Despite her best efforts to restrain them the tears started to flow. IT had been a long week and we were all getting very tired. She brought the cards into the kitchen to show my mom and I. I promptly spanked big sister and made her apologize. I then explained that she need to ask before she touched her aunties things, with that the situation was resolved and in the past. Their fellowship was restored they were once again best friends.
First let me explain what I mean by a spanking. A spanking is 2-3 swats on the upper leg if child has a diaper or on the bottom if not. It doesn’t have to be very hard, just enough to cause a little pain and discomfort. The redness should fade in minutes. I have found that the more often you spank you do not have to spank very hard to make your point. Spankings she be administered promptly with only one warning.
In the above story the two girls fellowship was restored because of a spanking. If I had only made big sister apologize without a spanking her, her aunt would have subconsciously punished her by depriving her of her attention and giving her the silent treatment. I’m a firm believer in spankings. They are biblical and help to purge a child of guilt, something that time outs don’t do. A time out might be a effective form of punishment but it has other side effects that do not come with spanking. I believe that we have a generation of adults who do not know how to handle conflict because of time outs. They have learned to give each other the silent treatment. While a child is sitting in in time out what he is really doing is brooding on how to get into more trouble. A spanking restores fellowship so that you and your child can get on to more fun things.
Time outs are ridiculous! I agree, it seems like a way to train bitterness and resentment into a child. Sitting and stewing about it instead of dealing with it and having it over with. Don’t we all know pouty adults like that, that can’t just let things go? I definitely am not a Time Out mommy! But I could do better on consistently spanking my LO!
Preach on sister!!! Double amen about the ridiculous-ness and ineffectiveness of time outs.
Something I’ve had to work on lately is having spankings be immediate, but not hurried affairs. In other words, punishment should directly follow the offense, but I often hurriedly swat their leg a couple of times and go on. I was seeing in both my girls that they didn’t really repent of the misdeed. They were mostly just mad they got spanked for it. However, I’ve been reading again the Child Training book (I’m a little scared to name it) and have been re-evaluating some of the things I’ve been doing, trying to correct them. This example followed: I came out to the porch the other day to have 3yo tell me that she and 1yo had colored on the wall. (Background: Several weeks ago when Daddy was in charge, and Mommy ran an errand, 3yo colored on the wall of the guest room big time and was spanked and had to clean it. So she was well aware that this was unacceptable behavior.) 3yo willingly confessed to me, saying she AND 1yo had done it, and I could tell by her tone that she was hoping I wasn’t going to spank her, because she had thought better of her actions AFTER she’d committed them. I wanted to just ignore it, but having been newly convicted that I was slacking in this area, I went to get the rod, came back and very calmly asked her why she colored on the wall, what Daddy had said last time she did that, and then told her I would have to spank her becaue she did something she knew was not OK. She was quite shocked when I gave her 7-8 stinging switches in a very unhurried manner, and afterward was truly repentant. I hugged her and said I hoped she would remember to obey Mama & Daddy and not do things she knew were naughty. She willingly hugged me back, nodded & told me she loved me, and then we went about our business. Restored.
I hope it doesn’t sound like I enjoyed dragging out her punishment. It was very hard on me to be so deliberate, but the results can’t be argued with. Spankings are just as unfun for me as for the child, so the fast 1-2 swat was becoming a habit, but was also becoming totally ineffective. It was over before they even knew what had happened, and just left them feeling irritated at me messing up their fit or good time. I have a lot to learn, and often wish I handled things better, but I think in this instance I got it right. Not every offense deserves that many swats, but I’m learning that I need to adjust constantly according to age, awareness, etc. Like everything else about mothering, everything constantly changes! Oh, and by the way, 1yo got 2-3 swats for coloring on the wall as well, and they both helped me scrub the markings off the wall. Just one of the 50 million happenings of the day…:)
Mary, Consistency is the key isn’t it. I’m sure it is something we can all work on. I think it is hardest to be consistent when I’m busty cleaning something and what they are doing is not very bad. They usually take that little bit of lee way and run with it though.
Haley, I love the point you made. That is something I have been struggling with myself. I have fallen into the habit of using my hand because it is so easily accessible. This really makes them much more ineffective, and In the child’s eyes seem much more like bullying, Taking the time to stop what I’m doing locate the paddle and explain what the offense was is always much more effective. Making restitution is also an important part of discipline. Like Mary said there is a lot of poutty adults who carry a grudge., but along with carrying a grudge they never step up take responsibility and make things right.
If only we could always get it right.
I’m so glad you commented, Haley…I feel like I just got inspired by reading your ‘testimony’ above…it’s no wonder God recommends spanking, it works. Great point about it needing to be an unhurried process. Children need these things dealt with, they are much happier in the long run…
Thanks for the encouragement, girls!
Spanking really does make children happier. I’m always amazed at how a spanking can turn around a whiny attitude.